Smothered Breakfast Burrito

Let me set the scene for you. The year was 2007 in the small New Mexican town of Portales. I was driving thru McCarty’s for the fourth time that week for their stupendous breakfast burrito. Green chile, eggs, bacon, sausage, potatoes, and cheese all wrapped in a heavenly tortilla and packaged for travel munching convenience in some aluminum foil. My endorphins were going berserk with each bite. Should I have been in class? Probably. But nothing was going to get in the way of my breakfast burrito fix. 

Ahhh to have the metabolism of my high school self. Back when I thought I was fat. Insert eye roll. 

Since then I have gotten married to a wonderful man, and I have given birth to two spectacular children. When I look back on my life I don’t miss partying, I don’t miss playing sports, I really miss the freedom of eating those brekfast burritos. 

In a weak moment I might trade my firstborn for one.

Just kidding. 

Seriously though, if I can’t have Mexican food in my diet, I will fail. Every. Single. Time. 

So, I just wanted to share the breakfast burrito I created this morning! The only hard work is getting your veggies sautéed and eggs prepared. Everything else is super simple! 

Ingredients: 

2 sprays of Pam

3 tablespoons chopped white onion

5 cherry tomatoes halved 

1/2 cup raw spinach

1 egg

3 egg whites

Smart and Delicious 100 calorie whole wheat tortilla 

2 tablespoons shredded mild cheddar cheese

1/4 cup Hatch Red Chile enchilada sauce 

Directions:

Spray your pan with some Pam or no calorie non stick spray and add onions. Sautée for 2-3 minutes, then add your tomatoes and spinach. Cover for 2-3 more minutes. Scramble your egg and egg whites together, and add to pan once your spinach is wilted. Once your eggs are finished, warm up tortilla and throw it together. This is how mine looked. 


Roll up your tortilla and top with cheese and heated enchilada sauce.  I also added some cilantro and about 1 tablespoon of pico de gallo to top it all off! 

Enjoy!


366 calories, 34 carbs, 9 grams fiber, 12 grams fat, 33 grams protein, and 7 grams sugar

California Roll Bowl

I am not a huge fan of sushi, especially the stuff with raw fish on it! I was born and raised in New Mexico, and in my mind the fish had to travel way too far for me to partake. After I was married my husband took me to a Japanese steakhouse, and ordered us a California Roll. I was reluctant, but I took a bite, and to be honest I was hooked. To be even more honest I have not ventured beyond the California Roll in the sushi realm, but maybe in the next five years or so when I decide to switch it up! 

Anyways, this afternoon I was craving a California roll, but not really in the mood to leave the house just for a craving. I remembered I froze some imitation crab meat, and with a few other ingredients I had on hand I recreated my favorite roll….bowl style! 


For the first layer I threw in 1/4 cup Boil in Bag Brown Rice from Great Value (best if cooked, then chilled in fridge), then I topped with half a cucumber, 1/2 julienne cut carrot(matchstick or shredded would work too), and two servings of flake style imitation crab. I topped it off with 1/2 an avocado and 1/4 cup of soy sauce! 

361 calories, 21.2 grams protein, 11.3 grams fat, 49.7 carbs 

Very easy meal to throw together, and it is packed full of protein! 

Monday-Friday Meal Plan and Exercise 

The last few months have been a little hectic, and my health and wellness have taken the backseat. Between funerals, random trips home, and the homecoming of my husband I have definitely turned to food for comfort. I started this blog hoping to be inspirational in the health department, unfortunately I ended up being the poster girl for emotional eating.

No more.

I am taking my life back, and I know deep down it is something only I can do. I have thrown more money than I care to admit at my weight problem, and to be real honest nothing has worked for me. Not because the products I have purchased DON’T WORK, but because my HEART was not in it. Why do I do this? I honestly don’t know. All the weight I have ever lost has come from hard work and getting my diet right. So, here I go….again.

This is what my diet/workout schedule looked like this week. I have stayed true to my own plan, and I am so proud of the workouts I have accomplished this week. I have a dream. A dream of running a half marathon, I just have no idea how I am going to ever get there. I do know it is possible though, so I am announcing it here in hopes living “transparently” will hold me to it!

So here it is:

3/15/2017 Monday

(Weigh-in Day-154.2)

Breakfast- 2 boiled eggs and 1 cup grapes 

Lunch- 2 cups spinach, 1/2 cup cucumbers, 1/2 cup sunburst tomatoes, 1/4 cup peppered turkey sandwich meat, 1 tablespoon raspberry vinaigrette, 1 tablespoon feta cheese and 1 boiled egg 

Dinner- 1 serving beef chili, leftover salad from above 

Snacks- Activia Vanilla Yogurt, 2.5 servings Special K Brown Sugar and Cinnamon protein cereal, 8 ounces unsweetened vanilla almond milk

Totals- 1,190 calories, 59 carbohydrates, 9 grams fiber, 5 grams fat, and 20 grams of protein

FitBit totals- 2,905 calories burned, 18,771 steps, 8.09 miles 

Workout- 1.5 hours of walking with running intervals (620 calorie burn!) 

3/16/2017 Tuesday

Breakfast- Hazlenut creamer (3 tablespoons), Banana Pancakes, 1 tsp pure maple syrup, 1/2 tbs natural peanut butter 

Lunch- Homemade egg drop soup, 14 grams wonton strips

Dinner- Quinoa, chicken, pico de gallo, cilantro stuffed bell peppers, and a salad with ranch dressing

Snacks- Oats and honey Kind bar, 2 tbs peanut butter 

Totals- 1,496 calories, 156 carbohydrates, 24 grams of fiber, 74 grams fat, 65 grams protein

FitBit totals-  3,040 calories burned, 25,624 steps, 10.44 miles

Workout- 1.5 hour of walking and an arm workout posted below

3/17/2017 Wednesday

Breakfast- 2 tbs hazelnut creamer, 2 boiled eggs, 1 cup fresh dark cherries 

Lunch- Egg drop soup and 3 servings of wonton strips (21 grams) 

Dinner- 1 cup quinoa, 1/2 cup chopped grilled chicken, large salad with spinach and tomatoes topped with 2 tabs of ranch 

Snacks- Townhouse hummus and crackers snack box, 62 grams special k brown sugar and cinnamon protein cereal with 8 oz unsweetened vanilla almond milk 

Totals- 1,484 calories, 165 carbohydrates, 21 grams fiber, 56 grams fat, 84 grams protein 

FitBit Totals- 2,874 calories burned, 20,900 steps, 8.68 miles 

Workouts- walked 1 hour with a few running intervals 

3/18/1017 Thursday

Breakfast- 3 tbs hazelnut coffee creamer, smothered breakfast burrito (see recipes) 

Lunch- deli turkey peppered on biscuit with small bag of smart foods popcorn 

Dinner-6 pieces California roll, 2 cups egg drop soup, wonton strips, and 8 ounces dr. Pepper (whoops) 

Snacks-none 

Totals-1,432 calories, 168 carbs, 16 grams fiber, 48 grams fat, 80 grams of protein 

FitBit totals-calories burned, 8,741 steps, 3.59 miles 

Workouts- off day

3/19/2017 Friday 

(Weigh-in- 151.2)

Breakfast-one boiled egg and one large French vanilla machiatto with skim from Dunkin’ Donuts

Lunch-Large salad with spinach, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, apple, feta, grilled chicken, and raspberry vinaigrette 

Dinner-Cheat meal! 

Snacks-Movie Night with the hubs! Buttered popcorn and Dr.Pepper (guilty pleasure!!) 

Totals-no counting 

Everything in “ounces” or “grams” were weighed with my electronic scale. Also, the vitamins/minerals I take daily include biotin, “greens” from ItWorks, and Axion (probiotic), Cheat, and Accelerate from Xyngular. Like I mentioned at the top I have spent a lot of money on diet products, so I have to get them all used. Yikes! Anyways, here is my week in review, and I am so looking forward to another week of healthy eating and exercise. 

 

He’s Home 

1 AM came much sooner than I expected that crisp spring morning. The smell of grass and earth filled the air with small hints of rain promising moisture soon. I turned to look at my sleepy mom on the couch as  I closed the door behind me, “We will be back soon, thanks for everything.” She was staying with the kids, as I made the 30 mile drive to pick up my soldier. It was the shortest deployment my husband had ever been on weighing in at about 6 months, and I originally thought it would be a walk in the park. I was painfully wrong. This deployment changed me.

As I was driving down the road I had so many mixed emotions about this situation. What if he and the kids don’t get along? What if he and I don’t get along? What if we fight for the next 6 months straight? What if he is different? What is going to happen? Any excitement I would start to feel would immediately be counteracted with some form of apprehension about the entire situation. I kept thinking about my two year old that had recently decided she wanted nothing to do with men. I knew her heart hurt for her dad, and in her own way she wasn’t ready to have a relationship with anyone else until he came home. So. Many. Changes.

Upon my arrival to the hangar I sat outside and watched the waves of people piling in that tin building at 2 in the morning. I was so surprised at the amount of people that showed up.  There is definitely something to be said about the love of a military spouse. That whole “for better or worse” part of our marriage vows seems to be tested more often than not. As I entered the hangar children were running around playing, spouses were giggling amongst themselves, and a bunch of men and women in uniform lined the walls. I put a smile on my face and made my way to the side of the room with the fewest people.

I wanted so badly to just stop feeling these uneasy emotions. Everyone around me looked so excited, and there I was worried sick about how the months to come were going to play out. You see, those sweet homecoming videos you see online doesn’t show it all. It doesn’t show the reintegration period a family goes through when a soldier gets home from deployment. It doesn’t show the fights, the criticisms, the trust issues, the disobedient children, or the hurt feelings. I used to watch those videos and cry joyful tears, now I just cry because I hurt for those kids, for that soldier, and for that spouse trying to keep it all together. 

Finally, the large doors opened and out marched a group of soldiers. It’s time, they are here. The ceremony began with the uncasing of the flag, and followed with a prayer that was surprisingly in Jesus’ name. Then the commander got up and gave a very brief speech about how proud he was  and yada yada yada. Then just like that they were dismissed. I frantically began scanning the wave of camouflage looking for anyone that even in the least bit resembled my husband. From every direction spouses were jumping into the arms of their soldiers and children were running around with the look of pure joy on their faces. When I turned to my right I watched as a group of tired looking soldiers ran to get their bags, because there would be no familiar faces waiting for them within the walls of that large  building. With a tear streaming down my face I took a deep breath, turned to my left, and walking right at me was my handsome husband.

He swooped me up in his arms, and it was in that exact moment that I knew everything was going to be okay. His arms reassured every doubt, and his kiss melted away all my fears. It was my husband. I felt more like myself in that sweet moment than I had felt in 6 months, and all I could say was, “I’m so happy.”  He grabbed my hand, looked me in the eyes, and said, “let’s go home, sweetheart.” 

By the grace of God we made it, and I feel a stronger connection to my husband than I ever have before. I am so grateful to serve a God that loves me enough to yoke me with such an incredible man. Military life is hard. It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable.  It’s unpredictable. But you know what? My God is bigger than all of it. His hands have been protected my husband, protected my marriage, and protected my children’s hearts. Without Him I never would have made it, and I praise Him for every single day we make it through this crazy life. 

Breaking The Mold

Sunday morning is a crazy time in our household. My time and energy are consumed with feeding children, cleaning children, and clothing children. Somewhere in between I manage to throw on a little concealer, tie my hair up, and find an outfit without poop on it. I never thought I would use “poopless” as a way to categorize my good clothing, but I totally do. I am normally too busy to worry much on Sunday mornings, but this particular Sunday was different. I just felt so disappointed with myself. I felt my efforts were a total waste. It was just one of those heavy feelings that if you carry it around long enough your spirit begins to sink a little. 

I did what any mom would do and locked myself in a closet to find a little clarity. No words. No noise. Just an open heart. During my quiet time I found my thoughts returning to the word “materialism”.  The Internet , google specifically, defines this word as, “A tendency to consider material possessions and physical comfort as more important than spiritual values.” Yikes. These next few sentences are going to be hard for me to admit, because really all the emotions I felt that morning were MATERIALISTIC. It was Easter and guess who’s kids were not in cute frilly dresses with big bows in their hair? Those would be mine. Also, my “poopless” dress couldn’t exactly be classified as festive, it was just simply without poop. Needless to say, In that moment with God I felt really silly, almost embarrassed. It was kind of like God was saying, “Really? My son, THE KING, died and rose from His grave for you and your children, and  all that concerns you are frilly dresses and pictures for Facebook?” Ouch. 

I had a serious realization this Sunday that I felt compelled to share with everyone. First off, I have to fix my heart. I MUST stop shoving my family in this box that I want to showcase to the entire world. You know what, Sunday mornings in my household are CRAZY. There are fights, there are kids who refuse to eat, and some mornings there are tears. Why is it this way y’all?! We cannot be the only family in the world that faces this problem on Sunday morning. The only explanation I can come up with is God WANTS us there and the enemy DOES NOT. 

The second point I want to make is the fact that this world that we are living in has given us a mold, and when we do not conform to it others think we are “weird” or “different”. I decided this Sunday that the only mold I want to conform to is the one God designed for my family and I. His will.  The beautiful thing about His “mold” is it isn’t a one size fits all. He meets you where you are at, and He orchestrates blessings and plans that are far beyond what you could ever imagine for yourself.

I hope as I grow stronger in my walk with the Lord that my Sunday’s get a little less stressful, but until then I will continue to stock up on coffee and aspirin. I know that someday I will look back on these days and miss them deeply. I am so very thankful that during this crazy season, God ALWAYS meets me where I am at, poopless shirt or not. 

Just consider this worldly mold….BROKEN! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mom Guilt 

The day usually starts waking up in a pool of drool, while the crumbs from my guilt ridden midnight snack continue to irritate my body every time I move. I manage to pull myself out of bed, take the long walk from the bedroom to the kitchen with my eyes still shut, and start the coffee pot pressing the “strong brew” button, praying it will be strong enough to wake my foggy brain. Within about 2 minutes I hear my 6 month old rustling around in her room with much anticipation, and I know she is giving me her “I am going to start screaming my head off soon” warning. After making sure the dog gets put outside, I throw a bottle together, and make sure to get my toddler a frozen waffle out and some strawberry milk. I pour myself a huge cup of coffee and finally decide to open my eyes, it is time to start the day mamma. 

From the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed, I am running around the house chasing babies, and trying to keep everyone alive! I am astonished every night at the sink full of dirty dishes, the washroom full of dirty clothing, and the living area strung out with toys. What in the world do I do all day? I can’t even retrace my steps, because it all seems like one big blur, and by the time my head hits my pillow every night I sleep so deeply it would take an earthquake to physically get me out of bed. People usually ask, What do you do all day?” I used to get really offended by this, but now I just answer by saying, “That really is a good question.” 

Lately, I find myself in a constant state of guilt. Guilty that my toddler still isn’t potty trained. Guilty that my 6 month old doesn’t get a bath every night. Guilty that I don’t help my husband bring any money in. Guilty that I have let myself go in many ways. Guilty that I can’t remember the last time I actually showered. Guilty that I spend a lot of my day yelling and spanking my toddler. Guilty that my house is often in some state of what I can only describe as a “natural disaster aftermath look”. Guilty that I don’t always enjoy the company of my children. Guilty, guilty, guilty. Mom guilt. 

It’s hard being a stay-at-home mom and feeling any sense of accomplishment in your day. I am convinced I will not see the fruits of my labor for another 20+ years, and that is very frustrating for me. Unfortunately, I am the type of person that loves praise. I do believe God set me on this path to learn how to truly lean on Him and seek His approval over the approval of others. When will I learn? Hopefully soon, because emotionally speaking there are days I am less than stable. I have decided motherhood is the most terrifying, spectacular, humbling, fulfilling, and tiring thing I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. It’s like one huge bipolar mess of a party that you actually WANT to attend. 

In so many ways I feel like a failure at the end of each day, but when I put my sweet babies to bed every night and my 2.5 year old reminds me we need to say our “payers” I know I am doing at least ONE thing right. I play a huge role in introducing my children to our Heavenly Father. Their paths are different from my own, but without my guidance they could stray. 

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” -Proverbs 22:6

“And you, father, do not provoke your children  o wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4 

“And that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” – 2 Timothy 3:15 

I feel like raising children is one huge step of faith after another. We are given the Word of God as our training manuals, and it is up to us to put those words into action within the walls of our own home. Learning that instilling faith in our children is more important than trying to make them “perfect” is so hard to wrap my head around. I pray that as I walk through my messy house tonight to put my children to bed my faith in God is bigger than the guilt I place on my own shoulders. I pray my daughter never stops saying her “payers” before bed, and her relationship with God is as special to her as it is to me. God is bigger than my guilt, He is bigger than my messy house, and He is certainly bigger than the  box this world wants me to conform to. 

Out of Denial

It has been awhile since I have blogged. I’m a little bitter with writing right now, and honestly I feel in many ways like I lost that initial fire. My grandmother, known to many as Mommom, was so supportive with my blogs. She would call me every time I posted a new one, and go on and on about how wonderful they all were. I told her when I started I felt so self-conscious about my writing, but she really encouraged me to continue, so of course I did.

It has been a little over two weeks since she passed away, and I have been pushing my feelings down to the best of my ability. Don’t get me wrong, I have blubbered around the house, and cried to my heart’s content, but I have been STUCK in the denial phase of the grieving process. I have managed to get my butt out of bed every morning, take care of my kids, and even found time to go for runs, but I have not even begun to deal with the loss of this important woman in my life. Until today. A few things happened that really caught me off guard. First off, I had oatmeal for dinner. Yeah, I know who does that? I am a weirdo, but I love oatmeal, and you know who made it for me every time I would have breakfast with them? Mommom. She made the most incredible instant oats I have ever had the pleasure of devouring. She always made them on the stove, and I have always tried to make them the way she could, but I have never figured it out. As I sat at the dinner table with my 2 1/2 year old, I watched her fiddle with her spoon and push the oatmeal around the bowl for a little while, and I couldn’t stop thinking, too bad she never got to try mommom’s oats.

I was able to hold it together until we moved our small party of three into the living room. We were watching Frasier, and I was taken back to my grandparent’s farmhouse. I remember getting so excited about getting to stay the night with them, and because I was the princess, they let me sleep on the brown couch in the living room. How I loved that couch. I would make my little nest on their couch, and stay up late watching Frasier with my grandparents. It wasn’t particularly my favorite show to watch back then, but I always felt so privileged to get to stay up that late. Of course, we always had to go to bed after Frasier, because I was not old enough for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

After that flashback, I quickly turned off the television, and started scrolling through my Facebook page. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The Chew. My Mommom LOVED watching The Chew, and really it isn’t exactly my memory to share, because my younger brother Brenden went over to her house often to watch the Food Network with her. What really got to me was the thought of an empty house. A house that 3 short weeks ago was full of life. A house that my grandmother shared with her mom. A house I really enjoyed visiting when I would go home to visit. A house I could call at any moment to receive mommy advice. A house that is currently unoccupied. The Chew doesn’t play on that television anymore, bowls of oatmeal aren’t shared at that table anymore, and sleepovers will no longer happen there anymore.

I have been through the grieving process before, and I am very aware that it takes time to work through each stage. Today, I feel like I was hurled through the denial phase , and I landed hard in the depression/reflection stage. I know our family will get through this, and in many ways I am so happy my grandmother is in heaven. Although her death was sudden and unexpected, I have much peace knowing she didn’t suffer when leaving this world.  The meals we shared, the trips we took together, and the long phone conversations we had every week are gone, but certainly not forgotten. I cherish every memory I shared with that special woman, and I know she would be proud that I decided to finally pick up the pen and decide to write a little something again.

Sending a lot of love to my family!